So many people in this world are looking for "The One", but really dont take the time to have fun before they look to settle down. And sometimes,we put our focus into one person making us happy that we don't become content with our own happiness.
I watched a movie called Boomerang with Eddie Murphy, it was a pretty old movie; but the plot is still relevant today just as it was back in 1992. marcus Gram an Advertising Account Executive for a Marketing firm in lower manhattan. constantly finds himself wondering from bed to bed until he meets a woman named Angela an art designer and jaquline the CEO of the marketing firm. he is torn between the two because he is afraid of falling in love. when he meets jaquline, she ends up having sex with marcus only to find out that he was being used as a fling and nothing more.
Marcus learns the hard way that the same tactics he used to manipulate women into bed could be used against him to destroy his reputation, and ultimately it affects his work and his self-worth as a man. In the mist of the incident, angela helps to cheer marcus up and help bring his sprits back up. And during the time they spend together, they develop a friendship and eventually without notice fall in love.
Sometimes as men, we don't realize a good thing until its gone. I learned from eddie murphy's charecter, that today's dating game is either what my homeboys would call it a Smash N' Pass routine that men play because we don't feel the need to settle down. And most modern day women "The Sex in the city" type have found it benificial not to settle down either. In the 21st century is Marriage the standard anymore? or is it just a free for all without any obligations to make the other person happy? in a world where we become accustom to one night stands and flings, we have taken the word "Single" and turned it in to a word to be celebrated as opposed to marriage. I can understand why men and women enjoy "Singleness", people aged 18 to 25 have grown up in homes where they seen their mothers and fathers argue about financial matters and others things including extra marital affairs which ultimately end in a bitter divorce. and generation Y wants to make sure that they don't make the same mistakes their parents made. and so we've become a generation of sexual variety as opposed to the old customs of monogamy and matrimony. can marriage work in the 21st century? do we feel we need someone to validate us?
I believe that no one is obligated to make you happy nor are you obligated to make them happy. I feel if the pressure of marriage was taken off us as a generation we won't have to feel the need to be with a person simply out of validation but out of love and a wholeness that comes with sharing that love with someone else. people should be free to determine what type of relationship they want to have for themselves. people should not be forced to live a lifestyle that only formats a certain group of people. one thing I hate the most about married couples is they say, "Well, why arn't you married yet"? just because one is not married or in a relationship does not mean they are losers or undesirable it just means they enjoy being single and having fun without the pressurs of having to make someone else happy for the rest fo their lives.
I realize people lose alot of freedoms when your in a relationship or married because now you have become "One" and everything you do you have to do with your spouse. My bestfriend is in a relationship and all he does is work the whole week and by friday he just watches movies with his girl or go out to diner. Its funny, because everytime I say can we hangout he says I can't because he's doing things with his girl. when my friends get into relationships they ultimatly cut off all their friends until something bad happens in the relationship and then they come running back saying "what was I thinking"? and "Im glad that part of my life is over"! and then its back to the one night stands and sex on a late night creep to get over the pain of a bad break-up.
Why can't people just have fun? dont get me wrong, Im open to the idea of marriage but marriage is something someone should not just jump into simply because there parents are married. but because they feel ready to take that plunge into building a family. in the mist of the economic crises, I feel that the 80's and the 90's babies are going to wait until their mid to late 30's to get married. and some will eventually think long and hard before making that final step. My parents have hinted on asking me when am I going to get married? and mentally I have to tell them please Shut the fuck up! I will get married when im good and ready, im not rushing it for nobody. Im already in my early twenties and already my dad wants gradchildern, hold the fuck up! I aint even out of college yet! and already you want grandchildern. I say hell no! we got enough fucked up kids in this world. people shound't feel pressured into relationships or marriage by default. if it's not meant for you, its not meant for you! no hook ups, no blind dates! just do what you feel is comfortable to your lifestyle. sometimes I find out that people who are married got married because they were trying to please the people around them, not because they were in love. people dont have to be in a relationship to be in love. and people dont have to be married to have sex. a relationship is about expectations and if people don't clerify that from the beginning, people will get hurt.
if you want to have a sex friend just be honest, if you want to have a friend who can exchange intellectual and emotional communication just ask for it. you don't have to be in a relationship to be in love. monogamus relationships cut us off from other relationships that could be benificial to our lives. and if we can stop thinking about the one who's going to make our lives complete then we can live a stress free life of trying to put on an act to make someone else happy. no matter how much you want to make a person happy, you can only make "YOU" happy. sometimes, when we commit to a relationship or get married we miss out on seeing the world and getting to know different people.
the media wants us to think marriage is something that everyone should strive for but ultimately we see marriage as a pathway to divorce, high payments in alimony, and nasty parental custody battles. and when everything is said and done thats when the bullshit begins, arguments, running the streets late at night in order to dodge your wife, endless drinking, name-calling, and the multiple men and women they have been seeing behind your back. and the endless financial slavery that comes with keeping up a mortage and a car note and not to mention being able to put your childern through college on a shoe string budget. everything you work for goes to three places, the government, your wife, and kids. you will never see that money in your hand.
So I ask why can't we have fun? Boomerang taught me so much about dating in the professional world. some people are married to their careers, and most women do not want to be mothers. men want the freedom to see as many women as they want without owing them the status of commitment. people want to relax and have fun while making a living for themselves. and in this ducade, we may soon see more career minded men and women.
When I went to New York City, I had made a promise to myself. try to get to know as many people before settling down because ultimatly I may regret it when I do get into a relationship. i seen so many women in the big apple my head just turned. I want to try out different flavors before I settle with just one, I seen a caucasian, asian, and an african-american woman whom i would ask out for a cup of coffee in a minute. there was this one female named maria from Brooklyn whom I had a brief conversation with in Juniors resturant. she served me a milk shake with whip cream and a cherry on top and she told me what Brooklyn had to offer. One part of my mind was looking at her butt while my eyes were looking at her breasts. but, since i was in NYC for a day i decided not to give her my number. there is a whole world to be experienced as a single person we shouldn't prematurley commit to a relationship for the sake of having one. I know Im proud to be single because that just means im not responsible to make anyone happy. i determine my own happiness. and just because others want me to follow in their footsteps does not mean they can dictate my lifestyle. i am free to live however I want to. and even if i tried marriage and it didn't workout I can say atleast I tried.
in the end, I learned twelve things from the movie Boomerang.
1. See as many people as possible before you become exclusive
2. if you want to sleep around that is ok, just be responsible
3. Women want sex just as much as a man does
4. don't ever cut off your bestfriends for a woman you know your not going to eventually marry
5. don't live with each other
6. design a relationship that best fits your lifestyle
7. don't date people in the work place!
8. don't fall in love with a person until you've seen all their flaws
9. if your not ready for a relationship, don't lead a person on
10. Marriage is not for everyone!
11. Don't rush into a relationship!
12. Relax and have fun!
if we follow these rules we can have a fulfilling life with out the pressures of being in a love relationship that will have us on an emotional rollercoster ride. just have fun and stop pressing for being in a relationship because love is not all that it is cracked up to be.
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