Since 2009, I have Observed a silent war that has occurred within the African-American community. It is a silent war that has gone on for the past forty years, I call it the Anti-Black male movement. This movement is taking ground as I speak in 2012. Some african-american women all across the nation, have decided to write off black men like a bad check. They have decided instead, that they want to date white men because of the shortage of suitable and marriageable black men. They have written books, and aired shows that have shown black women in relationships with white men, and black women today see this as a source of empowerment.
Also with this, there has been an open dialogue within the black community on how to make black relationships work. people like Michael Baisden, Hill Harper, Steve Harvey, Iyanla Vanzant, and Aiyana Ma'at have given advice on how to work on improving black ralationships. But sometimes I wonder if this is just a hidden agenda to keep the black race a pure race of people. When I was watching BET in 2011, I started to notice that the shows that were being produced were targeting black married couples and black families. BET was trying to push a "Cosby Show" agenda in an era that was starting to become multiracial. Although BET was producing positive programming aimed at uplifting black america, underneath this positive upliftment was a complete disdained or acceptence for a multiracial america.
Not one Primetime network will produce a show aimed at interracial marriages or interracial couples. There hasn't been one show on television that has shown blackmen in relationships with white women or women of other races. and the reason behind this is because Television is afraid to tread on uncharted territory when it comes to Blackmen being in interracial relationships. But ABC doesn't have a problem showing Kerry Washington Tounge kissing a white man in Scandal.
there have been numerous books written on black women wanting to date outside there race especially for dating white men. one book that is gaining popularity right now is a book called swriling by Christelyn Denise Karazin. it is one in many self-help books that is showing black women that their are more options than dating blackmen.
For some reason today, I believe black women are dating outside there race simply to spite black men because many black women believe black men are dating outside there race because they don't like black women and because they hate black women. though that may be the case some of the time, black men date out side of there race for a variety of reasons which I will describe later in this article. But first I will get to the prime issue of why I wrote this post.
Many good, educated, and strong black men have been labled Uncle Toms, sell outs, and self-hating blacks simply because their wives are of another ethinicity or because they choose to date out execlusively. black men have been scrutinized in the media for dating outside there race and what is worse are the negative asscioations and sterotypes of black men who are in interracial relationships. For Example, Oj.Simpson and nicole brown is one but few of the negative sterotypes asscioated with black men dating interracially. many black women think because of this sterotype that the main reason why black men date white women is because we like to abuse, cheat and degrade women. and that we believe white women are more submissive to their men.
Another reason, many black women believe blackmen date outside there race is because they think we hate our mothers. but this again is far from the truth.
We have our own personal reasons as to why we have decided to date interracially, just like black women have their own set of reasons as to why they date outside their race. But why must we as black men face so much negativity because we desire someone who is not within our own race?
The simple answer is this....Black men no longer have a voice within their own community. every plight or struggle that a black woman has gone through since the 70's is blamed on the black man. We are no longer leaders within our own community.We choose to accept the disgusting behavior and twisted mentalities from a small segment of African-American women who believe African-American men are no longer a hot commodity. there is a lack of respect for manhood, and what it means to be a man. and the other larger portion of african-american women feel they no longer need black men to be providers.
Many black women complain about black men and justify dating a white man which I think is completely silly and shows just how much black women hate and dislike black men. There is a phenomenon going on of black women dating and marrying white men because they believe white men make better husbands and better providers. many of these same women will say the reason behind dating interracially is because black men are 1.Unemployed 2.lack a college education 3. are abusers 4. are thugs 5. sleep around with different women 6. are closeted homosexuals 7. always end up in prison for long sentences and 8. are deadbeat fathers. these sterotypes get thrown around ad nauseam and it has come to the point where black men are tired of these sterotypes thrown in their faces while we have to sit back and accept the shortcommings of many black women within our community.
We as African-American men are expected to live up to a certian standard that is set by an african-american woman if we do decide to date them. many will not bat an eye as to look at a black man who doesn't a number of these things. 1.god-fearing 2.employed 3.has his own house and car 4. makes a certian salary 5. is physically fit 6. is respectful 7. has no criminal record 8. doesn't smoke or drink 9. doesn't have any baggage 10. is perfect in every way possible! If we don't meet this criteria, we are deemed undesirable to a black woman. not to mention if she senses a single flaw in your personality she will drop you completely! if a woman expects a long list of demands like this, it is clear she doesn't want a good black man at all.
Every expectation that black women make is based on material items as opposed to personality. an African-American woman will not look at a black man who is in college, is getting his education and is striving to be the best man he can be. constantly on college campuses you will see black women turning down black men who have a serious head on their shoulders. and you will see many black women dating the very opposite of who they want in a mate simply because the men on campus do not appeal to them. And then when they have dated those types of men, the men who were abusive to them in previous relationships. they will run back to those very men who they labled boring,too nice, or not man enough.
and when these women run back to the good black men who ten years later have the house, the car, and the good career it comes with a price to pay. This price that these good men pay is for taking on their baggage, there lack of trust, and there sincere hate for black men. and what happens is you will have to be the healer, the man, and the rescuer in order for her to trust you. and if you make one mistake she will already assume in her mind that your not good enough for her standards and you will have to constantly prove yourself over and over again to her that you are a good man.
Why do black men deserve that? why should we have to prove our self worth to a black woman? why must we fight to keep a relationship with a black woman when we know all it is going to lead to is drama?
For every reason that a black woman has justified in not dating us we have our reasons as to why we don't date many black women either.
1. Nasty attitude
2. Selfish and self-centered
3. overly controlling
4.overlysensitive
5.very picky and has unrealistic standards
6. Bossy and domineering
7. has trust issues with every man she meets
8. has baggage issues
9. is not comfortable with her body
10. has hair issues
11. lack of femininity
12. multiple childern out of wed-lock
13. overlymasculent
14. Violent and Aggressive
15. mental issues
16. weight issues
17.uses educational attainment and career status to signify her independence
18. over dominates the man in a relationship and belittle his accomplishments
19. overly assertive
20. Non-Supportive
21. Daddy issues
22. lack of domestic skills or meternal qualities
23. Materialistic
24. Workaholic
25. can not play a role in a stable marriage
of course some African-American woman might read this and say your bitter or jaded, but the fact still remains is that good black men are tired of wasting their precious years on execlusively dating black women. they are tired of fighting, arguing, and wondering could it be just me? Or could it be her?
of course you attract who you are and if your damaged goods then you going to attract damaged goods as well! I learned that lesson many times with the women I was involved with, and now I have decided to take a new route to finding my own happiness. Granted there are good black women out there but the likelyhood that a black man will find a decent black woman is like playing the lottery! your just not gonna win!
Back men have tried over and over to make a relationship with a black woman work. but to tell a black man he shouldn't date out and shaming him for trying to be with a woman that is not black is racist to the extreme!
Black women don't own black men and vice versa! We don't owe you a justification as to why we date who we date! But we will give you a justification as to why we date interracially.
1.We love who we love reguardless of color
2. femine traits
3.approachable
4. they appreciate us as men
5. is comfortable with themselves
6.smart
7.athletic and social
8.spontenious
9. sexually adventrous
10. supportive
11. domestic skills and maternal qualities
12. Submissive but not subserviant!
13. raises kids with values
14. promotes education in their childern
15. Compassionate
16.faithful to the very end
*NOTHING TO DO WITH COLOR!
now I can understand that not all interracial relationships are fail safe because some do end in divorce like all relationships do! but when you look at the numbers and the probability of those relationships failing it is very low!
My message to Black men who constantly feel stigma over dating interracially, the next person who stares at you, ignore them. the next black man or black woman who makes a comment shaming you for dating outside your race tell them to fuck off! because you are responsible for your own happiness! They arn't!
I wouldn't care what other people think about me if I had an opposite race on my arm. it doesn't even matter, what matters is Im happy and she makes me feel happy!
For men who are tired of going through the drama and the pain of dating interracially, ignore the naysayers and the bitter black people who seek to destroy your happiness!
My Advice for men who want to Date interracially without problems is this
1.Get rid of all your baggage from previous relationships, come to terms with yourself first before you decide to jump into the alternative.
2. Avoid using any race of woman as a pawn to spite black women, its not fair to her nor is it fair to you!
3. Avoid negative family members who will judge you on your choice in a mate, surround yourself with positive people at all times!
4.Avoid judging black women of any kind while your out with your date, be courteous and respectful at all times.
5.Drop the sterotypes, and hold women of other races to the same standards that you hold yourself to
6. don't ignore redflags! hold each person you date accountable!
if you follow these rules nothing can stop you from being happy!
BLACKMAN Go and be Happy!
